Open Dialogue

Creature of Habit

Yesterday I went to Iowa City to see Iowa City Community Theatre's production of "My Fair Lady". The last time ICCT produced this show was 1994. I was part of the ensemble. Seven of the cast members from the '94 cast are in the current production. I enjoyed seeing my friends on stage as well as visiting with them after the show.

I had lived in Iowa City for over 20 years before moving to Atlanta with the man with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life. Less than two years later, I am back in Iowa--in Des Moines. Least to say, the fairytale went awry.

Since returning, I've been to Iowa City twice. The first was right after I returned, the second was this weekend. It was nice to see many familiar faces. People wanted to catch up and hear what I have been up to.

I think this is why I haven't been anxious to return "home" this past year. I've been licking my wounds and dealing with the pain of my lost love. It was a very hurtful break-up. The kind that leaves you with a dull-throbbing pain--where you wonder how long it will take to go away.

So, I made my way around talking to friends and revealing little pieces of my story. The overwhelming feedback was that I look great and life appears to be going well for me.

Positive feedback is great. Good to hear. I will keep this in my heart.

Separating oneself from another person involves creating a new set of habits. Initially, everything reminds you of the other person and things you did together. And so you have to do all those things that you did as two as one and it gradually becomes normal.

I had a long list of things that needed to become normal. And as the year progressed, I worked my way through that list and life began to feel full again. The void slowly filled with new habits. I also felt the release of shaking off stress-inducing habits I had formed to accommodate my ex. (Most notably, the freedom of not having to move empty hangers to the designated "empty hanger space" in the closet.)

This past weekend, the most asked question was not about what happened with my relationship, rather, people wanted to know if I am involved in theatre in Des Moines. I am not. And I think it's because I've been busy creating a new life. This doesn't mean I'll never do theatre. Right now, it's not my focus.

My focus is healing and I recently made a big turning point in this area. I identified a habit I need to maintain, which is severing the lines of communication with my ex.

I realized that, while one is healing, it's best to leave the wound alone. Communicating with an ex--even if it's only via email--can be like picking at a scab.

It's hard to fathom that this person who I had loved so much (and, for a while in my life I had planned on spending the rest of my life with) I need to cut out of my life. But, that is a habit I need to form.

At least for this heart of mine.

posted by Susan @ 6:34 PM